J 3.8.01 INSIDE NEWS pages 2-7 Find out morejabout your new ASB officers. religion' pages 8-9 Receive some vital advice on how to use God’s word effectively. LIVING pages 1 Oil 1 Learn about spme fStupid State Laws.” ARTS page! 12-13 Check out some ox your peers art. ENTERTAINMENT page 14-15 Read the humorous experience of a Californian learning about the harsh elements, of Nebraska. The Business Club goes to California to explore intership options. See page six for the full story. Hoopin’ it up in the heatland by Greg Steiner Quote “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” O n Wednesday, February 21, busses from around the Mid-America Union began to arrive at Union College. These busses were filled to the luggage rack with excited basketball players. For the next four days they would join their sister schools in fellowship, on the hard­ wood floors of various sites around Union College. This is the second year that t&ams played for a traveli*ng tro­ phy. Last year the Campion Academy men's team and the Midland Adventist Academy women's team won the trophy for their respective divisions. The champion schools take a trophy home to display for a year, after which they must return to defend it or pass it on to the next champi­ on. Each champion is honored with a placard, listing their school's name and year of victory, attached to the trophy. Newcomer, Minnetonka Christian Academy (men and women), joined the other academies from the Mid- America Union to make a total of 19 teams, ten women's and nine men's with College View Academy absent for the men. With so many .teams, the MAU Classic added another venue, the Lincoln Racket Kelly Dodds and Alan Guyton help out during the tourna­ ment hy doing the books and scoreboard. Club, to the existing list of Union College, College View Academy, and the CalVfert Rec Center. The first three days of the Hoopin it up in the Heartland Classic were spent in round-robin play for the academies. Each school played at least three games against ran­ domly selected opponents. A team's record in the round-robin round was used to determine their seed in the tournament. The single elimination format tournament began on Saturday night and fin­ ished on Sunday afternoon. The Campion Academy Cougars held off the Midland Adventist Academy Mustangs to return the men's tro­ phy to Colorado for the second year in a row. For the women, .the Sunnydale Academy All-Stars stole the trophy* from the Mile High Mustangs with a basket at the buzzer. This weekend was about much more than basketball. Students from around the Mid-America Union were able to experience another aspect of life at Union College. Whether on the basketball court or in the stands, in the dorms or the sanctuary, students praised God with the talents that He has blessed them with. Judy Garland Opinion clocktower staff 2000.2001 EDITOR-IN-CHIEF romeka ahrens ASSISTANT EDITOR karrie juhl LAYOUT Si DESIGN callie kanen NEWS EDITOR kayla thorn RELIGION EDITOR gina jacob LIVING EDITOR Christina smith ARTS EDITOR rolf holbrook ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR shawna malvini' SPORTS EDITOR greg steiner PHOTO EDITOR klaralynn gatz U SAID IT jodi wall REPORTERS angela barber nathan blake kristen eddy gabriel gonzalez heather kampf callie kanen israel knight dustin opitz seth pierce OPINION nathan blake greg howell COMIC manuel eagan PHOTOGRAPHERS klaralyn gatz ADVISOR andy nash ADVERTISING MANAGER rebecca marsh PRINTER oakcreekprinting The Clocktower is the official student paper of Union College. The views expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, Union College, ASB, or the SDA church. The editorial staff retains the right to determine the content of the Clocktower. The editorial mission of the Clocktower is to facilitate discus­ sion and inform students, faculty, and friends of UC about events and issues that affect their lives. Our office is located in the student center (Atrium). Our phone number is 402.488.2331 x2091. Our email is cltower@ucollege.edit. Armadillo's and Memory Lane By Greg Howell H arry is really just a smelly, old, stuffed armadillo to most people.-When I have company over at my apartment, he sits silently by the* fire-’1 place, minding his own business. They comment on his smell, his broken tail, and the fact that his legs are supported by iron rods. Upon closer inspection muffled gasps can be heard, followed by words, such as, “Sick,” and “Gross.” To most people, Harry is an oddity, something that should have been buried eons ago. But not to me. To me, Harry is just o«ie of many small trinkets that take me back to: special moments from my life. I collect lots of weird little things, actually, most of them, momentarily worthless, but rich in memories. I still have a ticket stub from my fist date, a palm branch cross from St.; Peter’s Cathedral in London, a scribbled note from one of. my campers, and a piece of Volcanic rocki from the top of 11,200 foot high Mt. Hood in Oregon. These things are special, only because they hold a mem­ ory of something, someone, or somewhere that I never want to forget. Is this kind of thing eccentric? Perhaps. Does any of it have any sort of resale value? Not really. Is there any point* in keeping all the things ..we accumulate over the years? I think there really is. It’s one of two ways that we keep the past from slipping away from us before we’re ready to let it .go. Trinkets, strangely enough, keep^the past alive, especially as the memories and places seem to get farther and farther from us. The other way our past is kept alive is through the people who have shared it with us. There’s a line out of a song called, Sunstreen by Baz Luhrman that says, “the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.” This has begun to ring true for me lately. I find myself remembering how my friends in elementary and high school helped me grow into -the person I am now. Certainly the friends I have made in college are people who know me well, and Could be considered pretty close, but none of them can know me in the ways that people did back then. eS. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I am very glad that people didn’t know me when I was eight. Not everything in my earlier years are shining exam­ ples of a heroic character. At the same time though, there are things from my youth that have made me who I am. The way that I think, feel, react, and dream all stems from a life that only those people know about because they were there. If you don’t want to lose your past, then you have to keep it close to you. I do that by saving my various trinkets, and keeping them in view throughout my apartment. It daily reinforces the memories, and makes them tangible because I can pick up something that was a part of them. t The other vital thing is to allow yourself moments to add to the memories. Maybe that means a phone .call to someone you’ve lost touch with, or an e-mail; maybe it’s sending a picture of a random time “way back when” to your old high school friends. Whatever it is, in order to keep your mem­ ories alive, you have to take a little time to step back.into your old self and just remember. There is value in remembering who we are and where we’ve come from, because it gives us reasons to keep on going. It even gives us something to hold onto when we fall on our face in the here and now. Maybe that’s why I like Harry. He’s one of the only tangible things I have from a mission trip to Nicaragua. Perhaps in 50. years when my wife has unsuccessfully tried to toss him out with the trash 23 times, he will still be sitting by my fireplace, because he reminds me that no dream is impossible to attain if you really work for it. I didn’t think we would ever raise enough money for the plane tick­ ets. And then when we got there, man it was hot. The flies were just everywhere. Boy, what a trip that was... LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear Editor: I am shocked and concerned-about the current trend to bash our electoral system. I think it is a shame that people uphold the trend of trashing a concept Jthey must obviously know nothing about. The electoral college is an extension of our form of government into our voting system. Each state recieves electoral.:col- lege votes based upon a per-statc basis (like the Senate) and based upon population (like the House). Our founding fathers knew that without a system such as this, only states with a high population den­ sity would be represented in an election. If we elect­ ed our president by a popular vote the only states that would matter would be California, New York, and Florida. The entire midwest would have no say. in an election because we would not have sufficient popu­ lation density to be important. The electoral college attempts to make an election more “fair” by giving everyone equal representation. To not agree with the electoral college is to not agree with our form of gov­ ernment (In which case you should move to Cuba). I think that we could all agree the fate of our country should not be decided by California alone but by the views of each slate as a whole. It is a shame our pop­ ulation is so dense that it does not understand how our government works and why certain institutions are in place. We live in a representational democracy and I do Jbelieve that this is the most “fair” way to decide who shall be president of the Republic. If this whole Florida debacle has showa,us anything it should be that there is no possible way to have an accurate popular vote. If anything*, this .should strenghten our beliefs in the electorail college sys­ tem. Sincerely, Brodie T. Philpott News PONDER THIS By Nathan Blake MY BOYZ (A CHRONOLOGICAL HISTORY OF RQOMMATES) L ast week, if you remember, I wrote about the wholesome, tasty goodness of our little Union College. One of the primary assets I mentioned was friends; some of my most important friendships have been fostered at this institution by sleeping, showering, studying, and gen­ erally living in a small confined space with a member of my gender (a male). If you count my Kenyan mask that currently hangs on my otherwise empty wall, I've had four roommates in Prescott Hall. If you're just counting "real peo­ ple," then it's only been three. My freshman year I roomed with my great amigo Bryan Dodds. We had a stel­ lar year. I lived on fifth floor with a view overlooking all the wondrous beauty of Joshua C. Turner Arboretum and central campus and the empty space where the sundial' is now but nothing was before. College was new and scary (what? home­ work? studying? huh?). Every night at 11:05 p.m. we'd sit down and watch clas­ sic Seinfeld reruns (not that there's anything wrong with that). We played quarter Blackjack and made new friends and kept our room generally clean. I lived with that fun feeling of anticipa­ tion of all the offerings of Union College. It was rewarding to have a good friend to share that^freshperson experience. But Bryan moved on to bigger and better things (okay, he's married now). My sophomore year I roomed with Brandon Kennisonr Some of you may know him as Ed in the Union-performed musical All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Some of you may know him from another one of hi si really, really well-done acting perfor­ mances or public displays of .humor. I know him as a very exciting roommate, j Still on fifth floor, my room turned progressively, uh, less-clean. This was a joint ,effort (my papers and his clothes/food). As was our year-long movie-watching extravaganza. Basically, a fresh friendship developed. It worked well; we talked a lot and bonded and hung out and yelled at each other and hugged and stuff. And it was very good. Then I was in Costa Rica for a semes­ ter (rooming with a few girls?* but that's another story. . .). When I came home, I received the gift of another new room­ mate: Vaughn Nelson, son of our beloved pastor Greg and nursing professor Cindy. Vaughn and I knew each other pretty well in high school( and we have similar'interests and stuff, but I think it's safe fto say that we that we got to know each other better/more than either of us expected (and probably even want­ ed). I spent the semester trying to wean him further from his good habits of eat­ ing well and getting lots of sleep and attending Ministerial Colloquium and eating cheap ‘generic cereals (like Marshmallow Maties) and listening to Celine Dion (HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. . .that is most definitely not a good trait!). Wl spent lots of hours on the surfing the net and laughings, loudly late at night. It was another good semester. So at the beginning of this year, I figured I had a neat idea. I'd double the goodness and hopefully end up with even more great times! Brandon, Vaughn, and I all decided to share two rooms, sleeping in one and using the other as a lounge area. Apparently this didn't work, because-both moved out over Christmas break. Brandon :is off campus and Vaughn ^is an R.A. on sixth floor. And now I sit in my 'room feeling betrayed and very alone (without even a suitem- ate). But these last lonely gasps at Union living are turning out to be tolerable (though my bodyless Kenyan friend doesn't really provide the company I want and I am excitedly anticipating leaving the backward, suffocating cur­ fews and no-opposite-sex visitation rules of dorm living). I'm actirally growing out of my ptage of angry resentment into appreciating the experiences I've had and the friend­ ships J still have. In fact, in some weird way I*J11 still miss my roommates and the other guys in the dorm. . .sorta. I really appreciate their friendships and they'll all be with me as I decide to move on with my next roommate: Andrea, my fiancee (they're groomsmen at my wedding). That will be quite the representative experi­ ence (but actually, now that I think of it, •"rooming'' with Andrea does sound like a far superior situation)^H Anyhoo, I just wanted to take this opportunity to recognize my boyz and thank Prescott Hall for being there to foster friendships. y By Nathan Blake, ASB President W ell, though we do our darndest to keep you--the interested and loyal-to-ASB student-informed, it seems that we may not have communicated the Student Senate goings-on effectively enough. So this arti­ cle will give you a brief glimpse into three things the Senate has concentrated on so far. • Web Page: Senate approved a new ASB web-page designer position. Thanks to Shane Flowers (and hopefully adequate funding) the new ASB site will be up and running by the end of the semester or at the latest by the beginning of next school year. • Academic Advisors: Rebekah Altrogge introduced a bill (subsequently passed) * that provides clearer expectations of acad­ emic advising responsibilities of both the student and--especially--the faculty advisor. It is designed to substantially improve the academic advising process and avoid problems that might impede a stu­ dent's journey toward graduation. • Off-campus Living Requirements: Senate recommended changes in the current poli­ cy (must be 22 to live off-campus). Though one must be a senior (unlike the Senate- ' proposed junior), all other aspects of the bill were enacted by the administration. Now if you are a senior and 21 at the beginning of the semester and have good citizenship/regular worship attendance for the past three semesters and a GPA of 3.0, you would be eligible to live off-cam­ pus. What's lip With Senate? News PRESIDENT GINA JACOB What was your campaign motto? “Bringing U Together” In one sentence, describe what you will do ft ASB? “Promote the spirit of Union and unite the ca: pus to always work for the good of all.” What is your favorite ASB memory? “Singing the school song.Jed by Brett Schlisner.” What is your favorite cartoon character? “Darkwing Duck, (Let’s get dangerous!)” Where did you get the funding for this cam­ paign? “What funding?!?” What is your biggest goal for next year? “Have everyone fall in love with Union.” What do you want to be when you grow up? “A Dr. of Mathematics.” Who has a person in your life that you would say has been a role model? “My Dad.” Who is your favorite sports figure and why? “The late Derrick Thomas--:he was the best all-time rusher; no one could hold him.” . Any last comments? “Feel the love, support the cause, Rock the VOTE 2001.” FINANCIAL-VICE PRESIDENT NIKE MEWHIRTER What was your campaign motto? “Please dofi’t vote no.....Please.” In one sentence, describe what you will do for ASB? “Maintain the integrity that ASB demands, while working my hardest to improve the stu­ dents lives.” What is your favorite ASB memory? “This years bigger and better hunt, standing outside of the Governors Mansion with a chil­ dren’s toilet. I kept waiting for the cops to show up.” What is your favorite cartoon character? “Eric Cartmau, because I can really relate to him.” Where did you get the funding for this campaign? “Visa, Mastercard, which do you prefer?” What do you want to be when you grow up? “A good husband and father.” ' Who has a person in your life that you would say has been a role model? “Being an Accounting major I really look up to Mark Smith. He is a quality teacher.” Who is your favorite sports figure and why? “Unfortunately, I don’t follow sports all that much. However, I was really sad to see Dale Earnhardt pass away.. He seemed like a quality person.” Any last comments? “Thanks for not voting no.” EXECUTIVE-VICE PRESIDENT SCOTT CUSHMAN What was your campaign motto? Strategury Strategery In one sentence, describe what you will do for ASB? “With Senate, I will facilitate communication on the nagging issues like worship credits and cafe prices, research them, and compile solutions that minimize the cost of change for the faculty, constituents, and students.” What is your favorite ASB memory? “I wasn’t even a student here yet, but I still remember Brett Schlisner leading Union in a- rousing round of ‘Slinga da Ink.’ The experience was the closest I’ll ever get to fascism.” What is your favorite cartoon character? “The Brain” Where did you get the funding for this campaign? “The change holding flowerpot on my shelf--just don’t ask which special interest group put the change in there.” What is your biggest goal for next year? “To work behind the scenes, building and perfecting an ASB and Union that can prayand play together.” What do you want to be when you grow up? “I want to be alive mostly, but as faF as for careers, Ambassador, Senator or Dictator are all acceptable titles.” Who has a person in your life that you would say has been a role model? “I can’t decide between the Pillsbury Dough Boy, my Dad, and Gorbachev.” Who is your favorite sports figure and why? “Brian Boitano, because I always ask myself, ‘What would he do?*” Any last comments? “So when’s the first execution?” SOCIAL-VICE PRESIDENT TASHA REYNOLDS What was your campaign motto? “Think fun__Entertaining U” In one sentence, describe what you will do for ASB? “I will do my best to make this the most enter­ taining year ever.” What is your favorite ASB memory? “The greased widow-maker.” • What is your favorite cartoon characters? “The Simpson's” Where did you get the funding for this campaign? “The Association for Poor College Students- I’m not just the President, I’m also a client.” What is your biggest goal for next year? “I want to entertain U----NION. School should be more than studying.” What do you want to be when you grow up? “I wanna be debt free. And...maybe a principal.” Who has a person In your life that you would say has been a role model? “My Dad....and Gwen and Steph.” Who are your favorite sports figures and why? “The Union College Lady Warriors. I wanna be just like them. They’re nothin’ but sweet.” Any last comments? “First of all, I won’t juggle, and I won’t make funny lookin’ animals out of balloons. But because you voted, I’ll make the best Social Vice for Union.” News Who Done It? By Angela Barber T hursday, February 22, 17:39 p.m. The alarm sounds at Neco Security Systems. Central Station Monitor, Dispatcher, and Union Student Roland LaFrance takes the call and quickly dis­ patches two fire trucks. Thursday, February 22, 17:40 p.m. Bells clan'g their warn­ ing and firemen race like ants to find their gear. A nursing stu­ dent on her community health clinical rotation jumps on the truck preparecLfor an emergency. Thursday, February 22, 17:45 p.m. A mob of young bas­ ketball players throw snowballs and laugh in front of the Atrium. Unknowing Union College students and staff walk to the atrium and try every door before realizing they’re locked out. What do these scenes have in common? All are key ele­ ments in the fire alarm which was set off Thursday, February 22. Still, the final element remains to be defined. Who set off the alarm ? I begin my research at AdventSource. Kirt Martching informs me that he had talked to a fireman and the Union nursing student who was on the truck and both said the alarm originated in the deli. I advance to The Chat to talk to Somsi Chollett, Manager. She informs me that, no, the alarm did not originate in The Chat. The culprits were the drama people in charge of setting up lights and the set for the play. Chollett also admits that in the mad rush to get out of the building the fire alarm by the back exit was pulled. This information helped to clear confusions about the location. Still, the instigator of the alarm alluded me. Following up on Chollett's lead, I went to talk to Richard Henriques, of Computer Information Systems, who helped set up lighting for the play. I was disappointed and more than a little confused to find that he, in fact, knew nothing of the fire alarm. What began as simply collecting information for a news article, had now escalated into a full blown mystery case. Finally, an eye-witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, tells me that the alarm was accidentally set off by Tad Edgerton as he was carrying a set of stairs into Woods Auditorium. Thursday, February 22, 17:39 p.m. Tad Edgerton is carry­ ing a set of stairs into Wood's auditorium when he hits the fire alarm. Siren's scream. Student's evacuate the building. The story begins... PIP YOU KNOW? •The biggest-grossing film ever is Titanic (Paramount). The film became the first movie ever to take the U£ to $1,835 billion at the international box office. •The smallest bound book ever marketed measures 1 sq. mm. and contains the nursery rhyme Old King Cole. •Manfred Klauda of Germany has collected 9,400 cham­ ber pots (toilet?), the earliest one dating from the 16th century. • The largest birthday party for someone who actually attended the event was in Louisville, Kentucky, on September 8, 1979. It was to celebrate the 89th birthday of Kentucky Fried Chicken founder Colonel Sanders. A total of 35,000 guests attended. Seattle Shudders ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ b y Kayla Thom W ednesday, February 28, a 6.8-magnitude earthquake, centered about 35 miles south­ west of Seattle occurred. It was felt as far away as southern Oregon and Canada. A mild aftershock with a magnitude of 3.4 was recorded early Thursday. The aftershock did not. however, cause any additional damage. * Of the 250 injuries directly linked to the .quake, all but a few were minor and none were con­ sidered critical. Scientists report that because the depth of the quake was 33 miles underground, the Earth's crust absorbed much of'the shock. Officials say that the millions of dollars the state invested into stabilizing buildings and bridges apparently paid off. Brick and shattered glass littered the streets, but there was no wide­ spread structural damage. Most buildings con­ structed in Seattle since the midad, safety off, and whirled around facing the two Robin Hoods get­ ting their arrows^ With barrel pointed in our direction he yelled, “Just shoot it like this?feyf;- My father (who;I believe was full of the Holy Ghost at the time) shout­ ed something in a language I couldn't understand. The language of “My- c h i 1 d - i s- d o i hg - s o m e t-h irig- s tu p i d - a n d - i s - p u 11 i n g -1 i v e s - i n - d a n ge r! ” He then smacked my brothers hand, making him drop the gun, and he give my father a “what?” look. I had seen the situation along with my stepbrother. We had hit the deck. Lying face first on the difty ground and quoting every Bible verse that we could think of, and some we-made up. “Dear God mine brother beith retard­ ed, thou shalt smite him with lightening!” We were so thankful that the gun didn't go off, hurting someone, due to a misunderstanding of how to handle the weapon. ; / " “For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double- edged swordf-it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and mar- row;jit judges the thoughts.and the attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12, NIV)* The Word of God is a weapon, loaded with supernatural Holy Ghost power. It's the demon-killing, Satan-slicing, yoke-destroying gun of God. It is sharp and it penetrates even to the soul. In the hands of a child of God, it can rid the world of evil and bring healing. However, in the hands of a reli­ gious freak,; it ,pan hurtVand damage others' spiritual life. How many times haye you been preached at inappropriately? How many times has someone tried to give you a guilt trip misusing the Word? How many times has some­ one triedftolsbo'ot you down for something you were doing, be it a different opinion or conviction than theirs? It is easy to get angry when it happens. It is also easyjto get frustrated when -you are doing the shooting in hopes that people will change only to have them get angry. If you have been hurt, just duck out of the way and let God deal with the misuse. He will keep you from being hurt. If you are the gunman, step back andrgive the Word to God and let- Him teach you how to minister in love and at the appropriate time. In the end, we will all be a little safer if we learn how to use the Word with respect, and more people will be reached. Living Dumb State Laws by Christina Smith NE •If a child burps during church, his 9 parent may be arrested •It is illegal to go whale fishing. KS • Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. •If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall, proceed until the other has passed MN |P •A person may /hot cross state lines with a duck atop his head. • It is illegal to sleep naked. • Citizens may not’enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head. •All bathtubs must have feet. I A •Kisses may:last for no more than five minutes. •A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public. H ND •It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. FL •A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall .risk arrest,.fine, and/or jail ing. •If an e-le»phant is lefl tied to a parking meter, the parking fetfhas to be paid just # as it would for a vehicle. •It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. •It is considered an offense to shower naked. y m . •A fine of $£5 ‘can be levied for flirting. ♦It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. ♦The penalty for jumping off a building is death. •A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket. • While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. •Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M. Source: dumblaws.com Restuarant Review W hen asked to volunteer for a restau­ rant review last week, four other food-lovers and I willingly accepted to brave the taste-testing offer. Our desti­ nation was the Thai Garden, a cozy orien­ tal restaurant in the midst of downtown Lincoln. A mouth-watering aroma hit us as soon as we walked inside. An authentic Asian waitress, complete with accent, showed us to a table beside a miniature bridge and fountain. We noticed how fresh and clean the place was right away. The drinking glasses were tall and slen­ der which even made drinking water exhilarating. But no matter how inviting the glasses, stay clear from the tropical drinks-especially mango (it tasted like diluted baby food). The menu offered a wide variety of vegetarian dishes, which is helpfpl for people who were born and bred on soy. Each of us ordered something different to get the full effect of their cooking. Some examples are yellow curry, bean curd, fried tofu, spring rolls, bamboo shoots, and transparent noodles. The sauces on each item were quite distinct, including a curry sauce hotter than a Nebraskan summer. (Beware Qf the little pepper icon on the menu indicating “hot”). Throughout the meal, the waitress kept a never-ending bowl of white rice on our table. Although we were stuffed after our entrees, we decided to try a dessert. We closed our eyes and played eenie meenie minee mo. Ram Butan. It was some exotic white fruit from a can, dowsed with ice cubes not quite what we expect­ ed . The average meal was about $6.50, not too bad for a little visit to Thailand. Overall, the food was good. As for dessert, stick with the D.Q. new student profile STUDENT: Jacob Anderson YEAR: Freshman MAJOR: Bachelor of Technology PERSONAL MOTTO? T love my job.” ONE WORD DESCRIBING YOURSELF: “Quite.” INTERESTS: Everything HOMETOWN: Humbolt, KS HIGH SCHOOL: Enterprise Academy JOB: Plant services, electrician at the Chat WHAT WAS YOUR JOB THIS SUMMER? "Working for Archie at plant services.” WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO COME TO UNION? Triend.” ARE YOU GLAD YOU'RE HERE AT UNION? WHY? "Yes , I am far from home.” WHAT HAVE YOU DISCOVERED HERE AT UNION? "That friends count,” WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING IN 10 YEARS? "Working.” < The Great Oxymoron by Israel Knight G ood morning. Ha! Oxymoron, I say. I real­ ly dislike mornings. They're annoying, they come too early, and they involve entire­ ly too much pain mixed with bright lights. However, this week someone (knowing well my opinion) challenged me, that I was inca­ pable of coming up with three things about mornings to be thankful for. Funny. Since I really hate proving someone right at my expense, I decided to take a shot. First of all, I'm thankful for alarm clocks. Without them, I never would've developed the reflexes to spring up, eject my right arm from under the covers, snap the snooze button, retract my arm, and finally reassume a. sleeping posture; all within the space of l.34343398 seconds. Well, approx­ imately . Next, I'm thankful for morning breath. It motivates rtie better to get out of bed, and prepare for the day so I have time to brush my teeth. After all, what girl would talk to a guy who's breath smells like ten- week-old egg salad that's been ran over by a spewing garbage truck, after being walked over by a lumbering herd of cattle? Well, not that my breath h&s ever smelled like that mind you. And finally, I'm thankful for morn­ ing people. If I'm ever feeling abnormal and slightly weird (as everyone tends to feel now' and then), all I have to do is get up early (gasp) and observe morning people as they gleefully gyrate about their business. It's actually quite fascinating to watch, and I always go back to bed a happier, entertained person. There. I did it. I came up with three mourning...err morning things to be thankful about. Yeah, I'm the champion. Or something. I guess mornings really aren't all that bad. In fact, I can even think of a few more posi­ tive things about them. Still, please don't walk up to me and say ‘Good morning.” I'm begging you. Quote “Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. Begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations to, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson WAKE-UP CALL “It is tempting to sleepwalk through life. To tell half-truths, listen half-way, be half- asleep, drive with half attention...WAKE UP!" ~ Sark Hey- This is your only shot at life, make it good! YEAR: Freshman MAJOR: Communications MOVIE: Life Is Beautiful REASON IT S A FAVORITE: “It’s a unique look at the Holocaust from a quick­ thinking fathers point of view. It leaves you laifghing and crying, with a lasting impres­ sion of who the victims might have been.” NAME: *, ^ Kevin Chhangte YEAR: Freshman MAJOR: Communications PR Empasis WEBSITE: rollingstones.com QUOTE: “It always has good articles. 11 has samples of the five newest songs.” Picks to, live by■ YEAR: Freshman MAJOR: Music BOOK: L.A. Requiem AUTHOR: Robert Crais REASON IT'S A FAVORITE: “It kept me inter­ ested the whole time and was always full of action ” YEAR: Freshman MAJOR: Computer Science CD: Adore ARTIST: Smashing Pumpkins REASON IT'S A FAVORITE: wIt’s a very beautiful album that sounds unique. Anthing by them, but this is my favorite.” Art Art By BRoffJfofBro oB Last night I stood in the doorway of time, * Looking back and forth. Wondering which way I’d come from, Which way I was going? Faced with a choice, Asking Him the questions I could not answer? Had I found His reality or Earth’s? Or is this the world of ideas that some one promised me? In the corner, under some dirty clothes from work, lay Freedom. She had been there so long thrft parts of her had turned to dust and blow away. Nexi to her, Equality floats like a sky blue bubble, trapped in a vase of gray plasma She is still young, and she woefully forming into a solid object. Across the room self Righteousness glares. It’s stuck on the coat rack, by its collar. Its cold feet, dangling by the back door. Now colors from Beauty gyrate across that Easter morning sky. In a glory only the creator can describe. But Beauty is huddled in the*corner. Face resting in hands, she is shining brighter than all the other ideas. She never knows where or what she’s going to be next. Beauty bows her shimmering head in sadness. No one will understand.. Tears. I feel my body being pulled around, fast, then I focus. It’s Love! She’s wrapped up in a tiny ball, all by .herself,*in the middle of the room. I inch towards her. Crouching beside her, I reach out to touch her! She’s cold. Her skin is scaly and feel like the face of a tiny reptile. She rapidly over takes my hand, then arm, and my Hole being. There is no lonely pain, no frightful reality. There are no milky gray walls, no solid floor. Light streams into my Christmas Eyes from all angles, Warmth and silk are felt across every pore on my skin. It tickles my heart like angels feathers upon my lips. I smile. Somehow, I have found His eternal satisfaction.. The light I have seen, is coming from within me. I am inside of Love, and Love is inside of me. Light by LizBeth Calle Journeys by Callie Kanen drandon by Callie Kanen Bubbles by LizBeth Calle Simmer Down, Papa John 4 By Shawn a Malvini S o, what do you get when you perturb a pizza boy? Shaken soda, smashed pizza, and swear words. Well, at least with some Papa John employees any­ way. Allow me to explain. It all began late last Saturday night. Sabbath began in a rather squishy fashion. The rain flattened my hair, spotted my nylons, and made my mascara run. I was not having a good day. My lunch plans fell through and by the time I realized it, the cafe's doors were closing. On and on with little annoyances until I finally decided to just sleep till sundown to avoid any major catastrophes. As the sun ducked below the horizon, Saturday night plans began to form. I finagled a car, and Heather and I-headed to the movies]Doing this whole “girl-power” thing, we decided to see a nice chick-flick; What, could be more perfect than “Sweet November?” Right? Riiiight? (Okay^ I interrupt this story for a quick movie review don't see it. Just don't] Unless paying to suffer through a ridiculous story line and be depressed sounds like fun*?The movie's only saving grace, was it's beautiful San Francisco location, and that's just because I've been there a dozen times.) Anyway, after surviving the sappy show, Heather and I maneuvered through the packed theatre only to find the car cov­ ered in ice. The vehicle previously provided a plethora of problems that evening from only having one working windshield wiper to having a gas tank unwilling to open and content to stay empty. We managed U> get safely back to campus but decided it would be best to stay off the roads because of the falling snow. So, what do two college students do when theyfre^stuck in a dorm Saturday night? Order pizza.of course! Since Heather has,.Papa John's number- committed to memory and-they know us by name, after a quick call, our “After 9 Special” was on its way. Right about then, I discovered-,the most embarrass­ ing thing in the world. See, while at the movies,;Milk Duds were the candy of choice. It wasn't until we made it all the way back to school and into our rooms that I realized I had had one plastered to my backside for-the better part of an hour. Yes folks, I walked around through the crowded theatre, ladies room, and Rees Hall lobby, all the while oblivious to my attachment. (If you don't believe me, I still haven't done my laundry yet.) While Heather was rolling on the floor laughing about my mortification, our pizza arrived. Greeting the pizza boy with uncontrolled giggles, it was a jovial evening. jHBEBp 'jfi While in the midst of “Steel Magnolias/" (a chick-flick with a happy ending), a couple friends ordered another pizzaSApproximately an hour and a half later, the pizza still had not arrived. Sarab and Jessica left the pizza for dead and went to bed starving. A little after 1:00, the phone rang, and their pizza was down stairs. Hmmmm. MI I walked downstairs in my PJs (sorry, no ceremony after curfew) to let the pizza boy down gently. As I walked to the counter, I recognized the guy from earlier. I could tell by the confusion on his face that he was seriously wonder­ ing why there was no money in my hand. As I told him that the girls had gone to bed, he. tried to argue with me. I stood, my ground like a disgruntled cus­ tomer, and hoped that I wouldn't have tojdrag out my own checkbook soon. ‘ Instead of forcing me to pay for the! pizza! “Matt” huffed loudly* slammed the soda down on the counter, and then stocked out of the lobby. From what I've heard, he threw a giant hissy fit outside of the girl's dorm. Nearly knocking someone flat with the door, he swore like a sailor while he hurled the pizza to the ground. Kicking the Dr. Pepper and swearing loud enough to catch Mrs. Merth's attention! onlookers couldn't help but wonder who provoked this behavior. It was me. 1 Isn’t It Over Yet?!? Heather Kampf M y first thought while walking down 48th Street that stifling August afternoon was, “ + 98 degrees? Why would they need to specify?” Where I come from in California you don't need to clarify whether the temper­ ature outside is a positive or a negative number. Well, now on a bitterly glacial February afternoon, it all becomes clear to me. Negative temperatures really do exist in places other than the Antarctic! Who knew? Definitely not I. Snow is beautiful--but it's cold. Snowflakes are graceful--but they're cold. Snowmen are great--but guess what? They're cold too. Cold, cold, cold, IT'S ALL SO COLD! Shawna and I began to worry tfhen people started asking us where our “winter jackets” were. We were wearing them. We had no clue that our windbreakers wouldn't stop the piercing, cutting, and stinging frigidity that we would have to endure for the next five or six months. I, experienced my first snow day an February ninth of this year. That was way cool. In Sacramento we only had flood days, and those were rare in occurrence. I've decided that flood days aren't as cool as snow days, but they're a whole lot warmer. Never in my life have I had to put on five layers of clothing just to go to class. Long johns, turtlenecks, sweaters, you name it..If I own it, I wear it. And then there's the whole shoe issue. No more Salt Water sandals or flip flops. Bring out the boots and goulashes to avoid humiliating yourself by slipping and falling hard on your backside. Ice doesn't have much give in it and, unless you want to find yourself sitting on a pillow during class, you better make sure your shoes have some heavy tread to them. I was talking to some friends the other day when one of them said that Nebraska is expecting another 30 inches of snow in March. I about died. When will it all end? This isn't funny anymore. Mother Nature is probably sitting around somewhere laughing hysterically at us as we stumble around half-frozen and blue from the cold. Well, I'M not laughing. As a matter of fact, I'd cry, but my tears would probably freeze. A Great Way to Earn $30 Today! Donate your blood plasma to help save kids' lives Earn $30 Cash (for approx. 2 hours) Call or stop by: Nabi Biomedical Center 300 S. 17th Street (402) 474-2335 Fees & donation time may vary www.nabi.com Dear Clever Clocktower By Heather Kampf A Critic at Work All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten Above: Branislav, Fred, Ed, Kathleen, and Jill do their own version of the Rockettes. Right: Ed reverts back to his disco days. Branislav and Ed look on as Jill proclaims, "Bare Hands!" girly stereotypes! (This is espe­ cially venomous if you're a man.) D. I'm aware of all the recent research that says dieting doesn’t work, but I'm too dense to make the connection to my own life. E. I have a chronic weight prob­ lem. One more bite and I will be huge. F. Maybe I'm just not hutigry and should never have said I was in the first place. Dear Clever Clocktower, I'm dating someone right now, but I plan on breaking up with her if someone better comes along. What do you think? Sincerely, Ima Jerkfasse Dear Ima Jerkfasse, So, you're scanning the room for better prospects, eh? Here's my take on the situation: if there's someplace you'd rather be, we'd like you to go there. By Cal lie Kanen W hen T sat down in the booth to start running the7 Ughti for “All l ReaHy Need to Knaw l Learned irt Kindergarten”, I had not seen the in its entirety. We'd planned the lighting from directors notes, and around the- painting, and scaffolding, f was as excited for the play, tcj Start as anyone else in the audience. I finally took down ,th^ lights and the show began. ; , j “All 1 Really Need to Know..-.” combines deep life lessons with stuff you learned as a kid. The main theme is] “Remember what that old lady with the chalk taught you inj kindergarten and you have it made/’ The kindergartens creed, decorativelychalked on the stage,—includes! reminders like, flush, wash your hands, and don^t taktj things that don’t belong to you. This show provokes thoughts on death, love, and the all-popular meaning of life. Some of the philosophy is a little strange but over all^There ar#( Valuable lessons that can be taken with you after the show.i The songs in this play added, a humorous touch witbj songs like “Stuff in the Sink,” as well as a serious element with “Charles Boyer.” The live music gave life to the atmos-j phere of the play. As for the acting, Brandon Kennison proved that he! is not only a versatile actor but an accomplished^ singer] Katie Lechler is maybe the only girl I knowiwho can get away with looking cute when saying the word *!hurl.” Eric Kipld hit every note while maintaining his character. Steve BeckeV wowed the audience with a resounding account of his expe-j rience with Beethoven’s ,9th. Jessica Robison aged beauti-j fully to represent the gray hairs who still crave a game of hide and seek every now and then. Briana Perry posed th^ question of why spiders are scary with a flare all her ownj And last but not least, a cameo appearance of Tavd Edgertori as the narrator is definitely worth noting. All in all, I would recommend this performance tq anyone who appreciates the young and the young at heartj ypur-la,st chance to check out the show is. April 5, 6, and 7j Dear Clever Clocktower, Why do some people complain about how hungry they are and then take two bites of their meal before declaring they're stuffed? Sincerely; Just Wondering Dear Just Wondering, There are several statements people make by doing this, and I'm sure they don't always realize it. Here are a few of those statements that a very wise person once came up with. You can pick whichever one you like best: A. My appearance is more important to me than enjoying life. B. The more comfortable I feel around you, the more I'm going to talk about my weight, worry about my weight, ask you about my weight, try to lose weight, and get depressed about my weight. What I'm never, ever going to do about my weight is make it interesting. C. It's not just weight--my entire life is a monument to tired, 4 U Said it Q: "If you could go anywhere in the worlds what would be your dream Spring Break location?" Karen Jacinto “Hawaii” Melanie Tabigne “The Caribbean” Genevieve Tagabing “Puerto Rico” Bill Heinrich “Fort Lauderdale.” Amanda Sauder “Daytona Beach” Michael Maggard “Wakiki Beach”