The Student Center's Facelift Nearing Completion 
by Michaele Lawrence 
Okay. So you eat in the Chat all the time. 
It's like an old shoe; the novelty of newness 
has worn off. Now it is simple to take for 
granted how much better it is to dine in the 
student center than it was in the cramped, dark 
area behind the library in the lower level of the 
atrium. 
And you've almost gotten used to attend-
ing Sabbath Experience in the new audito-
rium. The easy-to-view stage at the front 
turns those unfortunate times you sat on the 
far sides of the amphitheater into almost-
faded memories. And what could be better 
than to mosey up to the concession counter 
where Unetta Campbell serves a continental 
breakfast each Sabbath? 
These days the student center is an enjoy-
able place to visit. But do you remember what 
it was like a year ago? 
When Union College's faculty claimed 
that Maranatha Volunteers International were 
coming to Lincoln over the summer of'92 to 
work on projects around campus, the student 
•jm^fx-
by Robb Crouch 
ASB Election Report 
As the media turns its attention now to testy 
post-election polls about government enti-
ties, Union College students have begun to 
tackle campus-wide elections. Whether seek-
ing a stately addition to a resume or genuinely 
desiring leadership experience, students in 
every division will take a stab at an elected 
office. 
To jump-start the campus political scene, 
10 students commenced ASB (Associated 
Student Body) elections by gleaning signa-
tures and recommendations. These individu-
als, endorsements signed and recommenda-
tions returned, were approved by the Student 
Affairs Committee on February 10. Autho-
rized candidates then launched campaigns 
and publicity February 15 and terminated 
activities February 23 at 10:30 a.m. 
Campaigns aside, candidates were requ ired 
to make a speech, or other statement, to the 
student body at convocation on February 23 at 
10:30 a.m. says Joe Parmele, dean of students. 
Immediately followingconvocation, students 
began to vote electronically on computer 
terminals located in the Dick Building lobby. 
The voting stations were open until 6:00 p.m. 
on February 23 and 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. on 
February 24. 
The social and executive vice presidencies 
were hot offices this year, as three candidates 
campaigned for each. 
Ac-
cording to Parmele, this may 
lead to a run-off election for 
those offices. 
"Each candidate must re-
ceive fifty-percent of the to-
tal votes to win," explains 
Parmele, "so the likelihood 
one of three candidates will 
receive fifty-percent of the 
votes is minimized," explains 
Parmele. 
If a candidate doesn't re-
ceive fifty-percent ofstudent 
votes for a office, a run-off 
election will be proclaimed 
between the two candidates 
holding the greater votes. 
Run-off elections were to be 
held on February 25, 1:00 
p.m. to 5:00 p.m. and Febru-
ary 26, 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 
p.m. if necessary. 
During an interview with 
candidates for ASB president, 
Continued 
on page 5 
Sheparding?! 
Page 2 
ACT/COMP Tests 
Page 4 
International Banquet 
Page 5 
center and new auditorium in the Don Love 
Building, in particular, the students were not 
sure what to expect. Lots, little, or nothing. 
Recent graduate Shannon Fordyce wasn't sure, 
either. 
"For years many people at Union, students, 
faculty, and staff, talked about this change 
and that change, but there never seemed to be 
enough money to get things done," reported 
Fordyce, class of '91. In June of 1992, things 
got done. 
"It's really great to see things 
happening before my eyes," said Todd Hoyt, 
senior communications major at Union. 
The Maranatha project officially began on 
June 8 and lasted until June 18 when 
Maranatha's 16th Annual National Conven-
tion began. However, preparatory work was 
initiated many months earlier. 
Charles 
Henkelmann, project coordinator, and Emery 
Venis, construction superintendent, started 
working, planning, and getting th ings ready in 
April. When the over 150 volunteers began 
arriving, everything was ready for them. 
The student center and auditorium were 
the centerpiece of the project. "I walked 
through there one day while they were work-
ing on it," says Fordyce, "and I was surprised 
by all the changes. I could see the auditorium 
taking shape, and the new deli was all but 
done." 
Just inside of the west doors you can see the 
stunning stained-glass artwork designed by 
Lynn Davis to welcome people into the audi-
torium. 
The painting, plumbing, and wiring done 
in the new auditorium are impressive, as is the 
completion ofthe deli area, called "The Chat", 
in the student center. But that's not all the 
volunteers did. They did interior painting in 
Jorgenson and Rees Halls, exterior window 
painting on Engel Hall, roof repair to the 
Union College Gym and Ramona Courts (col-
lege-owned apartments), and repairs to the 
Rees Hall club room. 
Those little details can sometimes be taken 
for granted. Fordyce was very pleased to see 
all the work done at her alma mater; "It's 
really exciting to see what happens when 
God's love calls people to help each other." 
She recalls when she visited campus to eat in 
the Chat for the first time. She found it to be 
bright and happy, and more efficiently orga-
nized than the old deli. "It's wonderful what 
happened because so many people were will-
ing to give their time." 
After the Maranatha Volunteers left, work 
continued on the auditorium. At present, the 
main thing left to be done is the smoothing and 
painting of the floors. It is expected to be 
finished and ready for dedication during 
Alumni Weekend in April. 
Rhyme Vine 
Page 7 
Thursday,February 25, 1993= 
The Clocktower Staff 
The Clocktower is a bi-weekly pub-
lication of the Union College Associ-
ated Student Body. Letters to the Edi-
tor, Personals and submissions must be 
under our door by noon on the Sunday 
prior to publication. Editorials are opin-
ions of the Clocktower. All other opin-
ions expressed are those of the author 
and must bear his or her name (Not!). 
The Clocktower reserves the right to 
edit letters for reasons of space or clar-
ity. 
Just a shepard?! 
I want to be a shepherd. No joke. I'd like 
to attend a school among the masters of 
sheepherding and come away with a Bach-
elor of Science in Sheparding. I was sorely 
disappointed to find that my major change 
will not be accommodated by Union, but I am 
optimistic nonetheless. Here is why I want to 
be a shepherd. I think there is too much 
emphasis on job titles and where I stand on 
the corporate ladder. I think that the pres-
sures of today's society to become successful 
rely too much on the occupation that you 
hold. 
A lot of great people were shepherds. 
Jesus was a shepherd. So was David. In 
striving to be a shepherd you may make a 
mark on the world in some positive way. 
David became king of a Jewish nation. Jesus 
is our saviour. Moses talked to a burning 
bush. Shepherds get in on a lot of the action 
and I, for 
one, 
want to be part of this exciting 
lifestyle. How many programmers have 
become world leaders? What about P.G. 
majors? 
Modern society doesn't make room for 
shepherds. I tend to think that my commit-
ment to being a shepherd would be shunned by 
my peers and by my family. I don't think that 
I would get very far. I can see my current 
academic advisors' faces as they read over the 
curriculum guide. I think that a lot of people 
would try to persuade me not to throw my life 
away. In general I think that I would be forced 
to conform to an occupational norm. 
But I will stand my ground. After all, 
shepherds have a lot to live for. Being a 
shepherd requires a lot of responsibility. Not 
only do you have to watch out for every single 
sheep, but you have to make sure that they are 
well fed and watered and generally taken care 
of. You have to have math to be a shepherd, 
because you must be able to count the number 
of sheep you have been entrusted with. You 
must take nursing classes because you may 
have to care for an injured lamb. But now 
comes the beautiful part. 
While shepherds take care of sheep, sheep 
are dumb, and really, there is a lot of spare time 
to compose music, philosophize and do any 
number of interesting activities which might 
not be available to the nearest CEO or Ac-
counting major. Sheparding also offers access 
to the great outdoors. You can live, breathe 
and experience spring, summer, and fall to 
their limits, and you can have winters off. But 
in my sheparding parable, I think there lies 
deeper hidden meaning. 
I know when I first came to Union I was 
eager to make my mark. I chose a major that 
I thought would resemble and fit my person-
ality, but I fai led to take into consideration the 
fact that I would be doing whatever I was 
doing as a job. I could have saved myself 
some valuable time by realizing that I didn't 
have, to live up to anyone's expectations. I 
could have been a shepherd (I still could be a 
shepherd, but my backlog of classes might 
keep me here for another 4 yrs.). In consider-
ing this career change, my first thought was 
that my parents wouldn't approve. That's a 
good thing to take into consideration if your 
dad is going to be doing your job when you 
graduate, but otherwise you need to push your 
boundaries and find an occupation that will 
satisfy your future needs and goals. 
Don't conform. Be a shepherd! 
Group Jamn. Bring your favorite instrument to this musical gala and 
prepare to be heard. Monday,February 29, at 9:00 p.m. (Caution: You 
may want to bring earplugs... The room is very small.) Pieces to practice 
are 
Twelve Bar Blues in A 
Twist and Shout 
Peter Gunn (Come on Saxophones) 
Pachabel's Canon in C (like D, but moved down a key) 
There will also be various lounge music, and requests from attending 
players will be taken. So come one, come all to the I st annual Soul Search. 
Young and old. Short and tall. Come one, come all. Ifyou plan to attend, 
contact Shan Thayer...(Because there's no possible way this will happen 
Senate night....) 
Dear readers, 
I would like to apologize for the response 
I made to 
the letter in 
the last issue. I heard that 
I hurt some people's feelings and that was not 
my intent. I apologize for any disrespect (i.e. 
the lines about sentimentality and maudlin 
prose)and wish hopefully to redeem myself of 
anyshort-comings that might have occured. 
Thanks... 
-Ed 
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Staff Writers Dan Walker 
Michaele Lawrence 
Peter Morris 
Lisa Boyd 
Byard Parks 
Wes Phipatanakul 
Mark Loewen 
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Monty Nicol 
Kristine Elving 
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Jessica Greer 
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Start planning now 
to attend the Junior/ 
Senior banquetApril 
4. This is an event 
you won't want to 
miss! Details will 
follow in coming 
weeks. 
3 
Feature 
Thursday, February 25, 1993 
ACT/COMP 
by Michael 
Jaquez 
On Sunday, February 7, the senior 
class at Union College took a test called the 
ACT/COMP. 
The ACT/COMP is a test required of all 
graduating seniors. It's a standardized test 
used to measure basic achievement in aca-
demic studies, concentrating on the areas of 
logic, reasoning ability, and general knowl-
edge. The results are used to rank Union 
graduates against other colleges in the United 
States. Last year Union ranked just above the 
U. ofMinnesota at Anoka, but just below Oral 
Roberts U. We began the test with Dr. Bissell's 
admonitions to "please do better than last 
year's seniors." 
To give non-seniors a glimpse of the glo-
ries (hat lay ahead, I've included a few samples 
of the test. This lest is owned by the American 
Council on Academic Achievement, used by 
permission. Any reproduction or use of this 
test is expressly forbidden by law. 
To begin the test, we had to fill out a 
personal data form on a large scantron sheet 
with a #2 pencil. It went like this: 
1. Fill in your last name first, then your first 
name, then your middle initial, followed by 
your mother's maiden name, unless the same 
as above. In such case refer to number 121B. 
If mother's maiden name begins with a-m, 
then refer to number 121C. 
2. If your are planning a career in business, 
architecture, law, office management, under-
water basket weaving, yak herding, pot scrub-
bing, or pimping, go to number 145 and fill in 
"C". If you are not planning any of these 
fields, then do not mark 145, instead, go to 147 
and refer to career table to find code, etc. etc. 
The test consisted of watching videos, 
listening to music, and studying diagrams. 
Here are some actual questions that were on 
the test. 
1. Watch the following 5 minute segment 
on video screen and mark the following ques-
tions. Mark each correct answer. There will 
be more than one but fewer than 5, unless "C" 
is correct, in which case it is possible to have 
5 correct answers. Do not guess, or you will 
be shot. 
a. Wile E. Coyote will never catch the 
roadrunner. 
b. 
The Coyote only uses Acme prod-
ucts 
c. 
The Coyote's trick with 
the 
rollerskates should have worked, in theory at 
least. 
d. 
The roadrunner will trip someday 
and be eaten. 
2. 
Listen to this 45 minute Mozart so-
nata and mark the following correct answer. 
a. 
This music stinks. 
b. 
This music really stinks. 
c. 
I f this music was feet, they'd belong 
to Larry Bird. 
d. 
All of the above. 
And everyone's favorite: 
3. 
Study the following floor plan for a 
new house and mark the correct answers: 
a. 
The total square footage of rooms G-
S is less than 1,406.2 but greaterthan 945.475. 
b. 
Room "E" is disguised as a closet, 
but is actually a bathroom. 
c. 
Robert Pride could not comfortably 
fit in any room except "C" and "F." 
d. 
The total area of rooms "A-F" is 
greater than the square of the area of rooms 
"G-T." 
We'd show you some more examples from 
the test, but then we'd have to kill you. For the 
rest of it I guess you'll have to wait until you're 
a senior. 
This 
Stinks! 
by Peter Morris 
Take heed, underclassmen, to an issue so 
vile, so contemptible that it has yet to be dealt 
with as it truly deserves. Though my hands are 
weak from an artificially induced paralysis 
inflicted by small circles and a half-dulled no. 
2 pencil and my head feels light from the 
inhalation of burning eraser vapors, 1 feel the 
need to express my concerns for those who 
will—at sometime before graduating Union-
be faced with the task of completing the ACT/ 
COMP Test. Ifyou are unfamiliar with the this 
final examination, indulge me with the oppor-
tunity to give you a small overview of my 
experience with this annoying atrocity while 
it is still fresh in my mind. 
This insipid 
practice—commonly known as a measure of 
acquired knowledge—should have been abol-
ished long before now, and I can't help but 
wonder what evil conspiracy institutionalized 
this experiment in the beginning. Woe be to 
those required to forfeit three hours of 
unfettered free time some lazy Sunday of the 
future in order to be defiled in this way for the 
name of education. 
It all started out innocent enough with the 
traditional "write out your name—last, first, 
middle—and then fill in the appropriate 
circles", but then things took an unexpected 
turn for the worse. 
For soon after I had 
scrawled my name on the empty sheet of 
endless ovals, I became aware of an uneasy 
feeling growing within the low reaches of my 
stomach. I don't know ifthis feeling stemmed 
from some latent psycic powers or just an evil 
premonition, but it grew as I began reading the 
instructions to this test. I realized this was to 
be like no other test of my knowledge had 
been. In fact, it seemed to be a meter of how 
well I responded with unrelated questions, 
unrelated answers and unrelated information. 
For each of the vexatious questions, there 
were two possible answers—and sometimes 
no answer. Well, this new twist on the famil-
iar seemed to be relatively easy to compensate 
for, but unfortunately it wasn't. 
I had spoken previously to a senior who had 
taken the test and discovered the results didn't 
show up on transcripts, but the phrase, "re-
member that wrong answers count against 
your score", kept me sufficiently disheart-
ened. The massive onslaught of useless infor-
mation was so discouraging, it almost made 
me do something I seldom do—pray fervantly. 
In fact, all of the videos of airport ground 
crews and Chinese dances, time restrictions, 
and articles of grain depletion and diamond-
shaped housing, did nothing more than frus-
trate me. 
About the time I had given up all hope for 
my sanity, I came across an article about a 
letter turner by the name of "Vanna" who 
happened to be featured on a television game 
show with a big wheel and lots of fabulous 
prizes. This same television celebrity decided 
to kill herself on the spinning wheel in some 
attempt at a grand socio-political statement. 
I found this article rather interesting, so I 
surged forward with anticipation to see what 
questions I was to be given and what options 
I would be allowed in answering them. The 
first question asked, "What kind of a state-
ment was the author trying to make with this 
article?" With little to no effort, I found the 
correct answers, but some unknown force 
drew me to the answer "a knowledge of 
Russian literature is very important." I sat 
mesmerized with this one sentence. It seemed 
as if everything my life consisted of and 
everything I ever knew was contained within 
this intriguing surreal answer. 
Suddenly, everything was clear. I under-
stood how absurd the whole experience really 
was. It was as if a cross of immeasurable 
proportions had been lifted off of my back. I 
realized exactly what my purpose was to be, 
and I laughed out loud to myself as I began 
filling in the circles of the least likely two 
answers to the questions. 
I continued in my quest for ridiculous 
answers to ridiculous questions and found the 
time passed at a far more accelerated rate than 
previously. In fact, the way I was laughing 
and carrying on, it almost seemed as if I was 
enjoying myself. 
Once I had finally completed all of those 
"wonderful" exercises, I decided it was my 
duty to inform all those who will bravely face 
this nightmare of my enlightenment. 
One would think that students' grades or 
employment of graduates would be a good 
measure of success of a school rather than the 
ACT, but this lest is so ingrained within our 
institution wc may never be free of it In fact, 
efforts have been made in the past to rid our 
honored school of this cancer, but to no avail. 
Thus, the only way our voices may be heard 
is if we speak in unison by answering incor-
rectly every possible question contained within 
that absurd analysis. Only when Union Col-
lege is faced with such discouraging scores 
will we have made our point. Be persistent, 
and hopefully future generations will be will 
not be faced with the threat of the ACT. 
Ministerial Club 
Banquet 
by Scott Bechtell 
As always, the evening started with me 
feeling rushed. I dressed quickly and was on 
my way. Once I arrived at the House of Hunan 
I was impressed and glad I hurried. 
The outside of the restaurant is nothing 
much, but inside it has an Oriental atmo-
sphere. At least it appeared that way to my 
American background. 
The Ministerial Club "flock" was begin-
ning to gather. At first I regretted my decision 
to go stag to this banquet since I was feeling 
so alone, but I managed to cope, and am just 
as happy now that I went alone as I would be 
if I'd gone with somebody. I decided to join 
the teachers' table. 
Next on the agenda was to decide what to 
order from our specially prepared menu. The 
person next to me had a wonderful idea. We 
discovered there were as many menu items as 
there were people at our table. This inspired 
us to all order a different menu item. As the 
food came out, we passed each dish around so 
each of us was able to have everything on the 
menu. 
After we were done eating it was time for 
the revised newlywed game. Four couples 
volunteered to participate. It was funny to 
observe the responses of some contestants 
who had differing recollections of the way 
things were. The winners were our own Elder 
and Mrs. Lucas. 
And that was basically the end. If you want 
good food, go to the House of Hunan. If you 
want to be in a club where there is a surpris-
ingly large number of unmarried females and 
males, then join the Ministerial Club next 
year. The fellowship is heavenly. 
Thursday, February 25, 1993= 
On Campus 
Election continued 
from page 1 
candidate Doug Hardt, junior, said he has a 
clear idea how the ASB should operate, hav-
ing been executive vice president during 1991-
92. 
"I was able to watch and assist Shannan 
[then president] and saw what worked good 
and what did not," comments Hardt. 
Hardt says students vote for a candidate 
they believe "will work hard and take the job 
seriously." 
Candidate Drew Hickman, junior, said, if 
elected, he will do his best to be a good liaison 
between the ASB office and the student body. 
Hickman believes students desire an offi-
cer who "is a good leader, and at the same 
time, able to listen and is not afraid to work 
with others' ideas." 
The following students ran for elected of-
fices: Doug Hart and Drew Hickman, presi-
dent; Shawn Sorter, Todd Berger and Wayne 
Schaber, executive VP; Gene Astolfi and 
Wesley Phipatanakul, financial VP; Melissa 
Sandahl, Kari Fume and Unetta Campbell, 
social VP. 
Although all candidacies and elections are 
final, applications are still being accepted for 
ASB appointed positions as Peanut Gallery 
editor, Clocktower editor, Golden Cords edi-
tor, ASB secretary, Union for Christ director, 
and advertising manager says Parmele. Ap-
plication packets are available at Student Ser-
vices, in the Student Center. 
All newly elected and appointed officers 
will attend the AIA (Adventist Intercollegiate 
Association) Convention April 6-10 at Paci fie 
Union College, Angwin, California. During 
this convention, ASB officers from Adventist 
colleges will attend workshops, organizational 
meetings, and other inspirational activities. 
Please see the next Clocktower 
for ASB 
election results. 
Glacier View Ranch 
The Highest Camp in the World" 
Owned and Operated by the 
Rocky Mountain Conference 
CHECK THIS OUT! 
• 
GVR sits on 550 acres 
• 
Our largest camp is 200 campers 
• 
We have 2 diabetic camps and 1 Blind I Deaf camp 
• 
"Look Ma, No bugs, and low 
humidity" 
• 
Wow! a brand new indoor, heated swimming 
pool 
• 
The average staff age is 20 years old 
• 
There are staff from all over the world! 
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We had 12 baptisms, and over 800 rededications to Christ! 
PRAISE THE LORD 
• 
Most of the staff is hired by February 15, so act now! 
• For information contact your chaplains office or call collect: 
TheRM.C. 
Youth Dept. 
303-733-3771 
ATTENTION: INSTRUCTORS NEEDED IN THE 
FOLLOWING AREAS 
1. White Water Rafting 
2. Scuba Diving 
3. Kayaking 
4. Mountain Biking 
5. Go-Carts 
6. Archery 
7. Backpacking 
8. Caving 
9. Drama 
10. Puppets 
11. Model Rocketry 
12. Crafts 
13. ATVs 
14. Gold Paning 
15. Golf 
16. Jeeping 
17. Photography 
18. Gymnastics 
19. Waterskiing 
20. Lifeguards / WSI 
21. Canoeing 
22. Skateboarding 
23. Ropes Course 
24.Ecology 
25. Rock Climbing 
26. Sports/Games 
27. Horsemanship 
28. Video Prod. 
29. Art 
30 Model Trains 
31. Story Telling 
32. Computers 
33. Rappeling 
34. Road Biking 
35. Astronomy 
36. RC Cars 
37. Indian Lore 
38. Western Lore 
39. Pathfinders 
40. Bible Study 
41. Community Service 
EMPLOYMENT FOR 1993 
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or someone you know needs an application please call (303) 733-3771 
or check with your chaplins office today. 
; 
Grand Enough to 
Make a Rooster Crow 
by Unetta Campbell 
As a new student trying to find my way 
through the maze of numbered tables at regis-
tration, I found myself bombarded with propo-
sitions from various club officers. They were 
all trying to get me to join "the best club on 
Union's campus!" TheNursingClub,theP.E. 
Club, the Business Club, the Ministerial Club 
and so on... All promised glorious returns for 
my signature and of course, my dues. If my 
memory serves me correctly, these smooth-
tongued officers guaranteed potato bakes, 
skiing outings, trips to Chicago, and banquets 
galore. By some lucky fortune I happened to 
be mesmerized by the International Club's 
pledge to make me a guest at "the college's 
finest banquet of the year!" Little did I know 
what would lie ahead. 
To commemorate the Year of the Rooster, 
our own International Club joined expertise 
with UNL's International Club to bring not 
only students, but also faculty and community 
members together for a festival of culture. 
Chinese New Year could not have been cel-
ebrated more festively anywhere in the state 
of Nebraska. 
The U.C. gym was magically transformed 
into a banquet hall fit for an emperor. Acting 
as official greeters, many of Union's faculty 
members met guests at the doors, welcoming 
all to the festive occasion. A magnificent 
pink-scaled dragon watched the diners from 
above. Below, arrayed in their finest native 
costumes, party-goers mingled among the 
black and white candle-lit tables. An air of 
hushed expectancy could be felt as everyone 
waited for the announcement to begin the 
feast. Formalities were conducted by Jonathan 
Murugasan, Union's International Club Presi-
dent; Dr. Kerbs, Union College's President; 
UNL's International Club President; and 
UNL's Vice Chancellor. 
Then there was the food. Oh, the magnifi-
cent sight of it! Our very own Pat Parmele and 
her entourage clearly outdid themselves with 
this extravaganza. Oriental delicacies rang-
ing from seaweed soup to fried rice tempted 
the taste buds into action. The serving tables 
overflowed with unique culinary experiences. 
The crowning achievement of the dessert 
table was a glistening ice sculpture—a crystal 
rooster. The handsome fowl proudly symbol-
ized the Year of the Rooster. 
As the seated guests conversed over for-
tune cookies, attention turned toward the plat-
form. A Chinese pagoda and bridge gave the 
stage an appealing aura. This was the moment 
everyone had been waiting for! In keeping 
with ancient tradition, entertainers exhibited 
remarkable talents. A visiting UNL faculty 
member demonstrated his martial arts abili-
ties followed by two Korean maidens who 
performed a ritual fan dance. Folksongs were 
sung and instruments played. A goddess-like 
beauty danced across the stage with unspeak-
able grace. For true international flavor other 
numbers found themselves sprinkled through-
out the evening. 
Spanish voices lifted in 
harmony, "monks" chanted, and hands kept 
clapping in approval. To the beat of a throb-
bing drum, Union College's lioness LuLu and 
UNL's kingly beast performed an exquisite 
lion dance. The pageantry was breath-taking 
as the two great animals frolicked. There 
could not have been a finer finale. LuLu and 
her companion pompously announced the 
commencement of the New Year by offering 
two proclaiming banners to President Kerbs 
and UNL's Vice Chancellor. And so the Year 
of the Rooster was heralded in. 
C 
Positions 
Duration 
Dates 
Literature Evangelism — Summer 
48 
9 weeks 
May 26-Aug. 7 
Summer Camp Ministry 
47 
9 weeks 
May 30 - July 25 
Literature Evangelism — Task Force 
16 
6 months 
Jan. - uneUuly - Dec. 
literature Evangelism 
8 
full time 
wide open 
Secular Campus Ministry 
5 
9-12 months 
Sep. - May 
La Vida Mission — Task Force 
5 
9-12 months 
wide open 
Youth Pastor —Task Force 
5 
9 weeks - 9 months wide open 
Boarding Academy — Task Force 
4 
9 months 
Aug.-May 
Glacier View Ranch — Ibsk Force 
4 
4-12 months 
wide i ,n 
Conference Youth Department — Task Force 2 
4-8 months 
Sep.-May 
TOTAL YOUNG ADULTS NEEDED 144 
Opinion 
Thursday, February 25, 199? 
CANCER CURE?! 
by Dan Woods 
Hearing about a wonder medicine that 
supposedly cures cancer soundstoo amazing 
to be true. However, after listening to two 
audio cassette tapes I've changed my view on 
the subject. 
The following information has been taken 
from these tapes. It all started in 1936 when 
James Sheridan, a physical chemist, decided 
that the best way to treat cancer was from an 
energy standpoint and not a chemical stand-
point. By 1947 he had developed a workable 
material and began administering it to pa-
tients. James called the material Gntelve but 
now it is referred to as Cancell. 
At that time about 38 percent of the people 
who took the material were found to have no 
cancer cells in their bodies. Sheridan contin-
ued to work on it up until 1982 or 1983 when 
he decided to quit because of pressure from 
the FDA and media. At this point a man 
named Edward Sopcak came into the pic-
ture. Don, a friend of Edward, was ill in the 
hospital with colon cancer. He was staying at 
St. Joe's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan. 
Edward heard about Cancell and contacted 
James. Don received a bottle of it and took it 
while he was at St. Joes. About six weeks later 
he walked out cancer free. Since then, St. Joes 
has not used another bottle of it. Don asked 
Edward if he could get some more to use as a 
security blanket. Edward told Don to get the 
formula from James and that he'd make some 
for him, which Don did. 
Since then Edward is the one who has made 
all of the Cancell. Edward said on the tapes 
that, "Cancer is a single disease and it has a 
singlecause." Cancerisan anaerobiccell that 
has mutated. Ninety percent of the cases of 
mutated anaerobic cells can be linked to 
improper diet. Damage can be done electri-
cally and chemically. 
Electrical damage is done by eating fats or 
oils that arepartially oxidized or rancid. Even 
greater damage can be caused by eating par-
tially hydrogenized or hardened fats or oils 
such as Crisco, margarine, and many other 
items found in a store. These fats and oils 
carry free radicals that damage nucleic acids, 
which lower the fixed voltage of these cells. 
The cells are damaged but not killed. The 
chemical damage is done by digesting protein 
without having a sufficient about of vitamin 
B6. Vitamin Bis in many foods such as fruits, 
grains, nuts, vegetables, fish, and many other 
items. However, it is delicate. If aged, frozen, 
or heated, these beneficial materials are de-
stroyed. 
A study a few years ago in the U.S. showed 
that by the time Americans reached the age of 
fifty, 75 percent were deficient in vitamin B6. 
Many scientists try to turn the anaerobic cell 
back to aerobic but James tried the other 
alternative and tried lowering the damaged 
anaerobic cells voltage even further. A cell is 
composed of protein. Protein is an assembly 
of amino acids that are joined by hydrogen 
bonds. When the voltage is lowered, it in-
creases the energy of the cell. Enough energy 
is put into the cell to break the hydrogen bond. 
The cell digests itself. It changes from a 
protein cancer cell to two amino acid waste 
materials. Edward says, "to get rid of cancer 
is no problem. The problem is getting rid of 
the amino acids." 
Some of the problem is caused by the 
cancer weakening the organs that find and 
dispose of waste. Cancer cannot live with 
oxygen, and what they are doing with cancer 
is putting the vibrational frequency of oxygen 
into the cell structure. "We can get far greater 
effect by the vibrational frequencies than you 
ever can chemically. That's what makes this 
material actually work." He says viruses are 
in the same vibrational frequency level and 
Cancell will digest the viruses protective pro-
tein coating. Then the virus has no protection 
and the immune system will destroy it. Ed-
ward said, "that the NCI funded a study at the 
New York Medical College of the Cancell 
material vs. the AIDS virus. The New York 
Medical College reported back that it killed 
the AIDS virus one hundred percent." Other 
degenerative diseases (caused by anaerobic 
cells), viruses and ailments that Cancell helps 
or cures are Arthritis, Lupus, Scleroderma, 
late onset Diabetes, Muscular Dystrophy, Mul-
tiple Sclerosis, Herpes (all three), Epstein 
Bar, Keloid scare tissue, and asthma. Test 
have been done on inbred animals. 
The 
animals were so inbred that the scientists 
knew their life expectancy to the day and 
sometimes to the hour. When these animals 
were given Cancell, they lived one and a half 
times their life expectancy, even if live cancer 
cells were injected into them. That's because 
aging is a cologent disease. Entelve is regis-
tered with the Food and Drug Administration 
under the IND number of 5528 and it has a 
patent application. "Knowing full well that it 
is an uphill battle and nobody in the FDA, the 
pharmaceutical industry, or the medical pro-
fession will look kindly on this material..." 
said Edward. 
Information about Cancell has mostly been 
spread by word of mouth. Over ten thousand 
people have taken it. People have been using 
it for the past fifteen years without any nega-
tive side effects. He provides Cancell to 
'people under the principle of common law. 
The common law principle is that if someone 
asks you for help and you refuse to help them 
and that person dies, you are guilty of murder. 
People who have received Cancell have ac-
quired it free of charge. The good news is that 
if people send him money or donations for 
Cancell, Edward sends it back. That is the 
good news. 
However there is some bad news. A judge 
has ordered him not to give the material away 
until further notice. The American Medical 
Association, drug companies, hospitals, and a 
lot of people in other medical fields are fight-
ing against him. They do not wan t the product 
given to anyone. With all the researching, 
treating, and making and selling of new drugs, 
an enormous amount of money and jobs would 
be lost. He says that his phone has been 
illegally tapped. He has very technical infor-
mation about cancer and Cancell that can be 
received by writing or calling him. Edward 
can be reached from 7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. 
eastern time zone five nights a week. He has 
set this time aside to talk to people about 
Cancell. If you would like to listen to the two 
tapes that this article is taken from, send two 
blank ninety minute cassette tapes along with 
your name and address to Daniel Woods. I 
will be glad to give you a copy. His address 
and phone number are: Edward Sopcak box 
840 Milford, Mich. 48381 phone (517) 546-
2414 
Be sure to catch Dan 
Woods' feature article 
in the next issue en-
titled "Dan's dating 
advice." 
Gun Control 
by Dan Walker 
The facts are stunning. Over the past two years 60,000 people have died. This figure could 
easily fit the statistics associated with the Bosnian killing zone or the starving people of 
Somalia, but instead it is the number of Americans killed by firearms in the United States. It 
is larger than the number of soldiers killed in Vietnam. And the statistics only get worse because 
guns are used in more crimes than just murder. Every 24 hours handguns are used in 33 rapes, 
575 robberies, and 1,116 assaults. There is no industrialized nation in the world with 
comparable numbers, not even per-capita. As of 1989 there were 66.7 million handguns 
circulating in the U.S. and 200 million firearms total. Isn't it about time to institute some form 
of control when we have enough guns to supply a third-world army? 
Why should I be interested in this issue? I'm a Midwestern boy who grew up in small towns. 
The only guns I've ever seen were owned by hunters or were displayed in museums. On the 
surface this issue shouldn't interest me much because it's not a problem I have. Perhaps my 
concern began when my brother started his residency as an emergency room doctor—in Detroit, 
Michigan, former Murder Capital of the World. What he has told ine has convinced me that 
gun control is necessary. He related one story about a guy who came in with a gunshot wound-
-for the third time before the age of twenty. His other stories about teenagers unable to walk 
or without the use of a limb have made an impact on me. Gun control is not a distant problem. 
A second experience with guns being used in a destructive fashion occurred when I was a 
student in Oklahoma. Not far from where I was attending school a postal worker who had just 
been fired committed the worst mass-murder in Oklahoma state history. The man simply 
walked into his former place of work carrying a duffel-bag full of guns. He began casually 
strolling through the building, firing at every worker unfortunate enough to be in his line of 
sight. As each gun emptied, he would drop it and pull out another loaded one. Survivers told 
stories about hearing strange popping noises, and then looking up to see a man walking towards 
them firing a weapon. 
But Lincoln, Nebraska is deep in the American Heartland. Guns are not used daily in a 
criminal fashion as in Los Angeles or New York. Surely gun control laws would only keep 
the deer hunters from their sport. A recent shocking example proves how untrue that is. 
Everyone should remember the Candice Harms case. She was abducted and murdered—killed 
by gunshot wounds to the head. Perhaps if the murderers had been unable to obtain guns she 
would not have kidnaped or killed. It seems nowadays that people are numb to the details. 
Snipings, murders, schools with metal detectors; people don't worry about such stories 
anymore. But as a Christian and as an American, I feel responsible to try and do something. 
It's time to be more stringent. Nebraska state laws seem to be fairly strong on the surface; 
a permit must be obtained to purchase a handgun. An application must be filled out and a 
background check is conducted before a permit is issued. However, even the officer who 
supplied me with the information about Nebraska laws admitted that the handgun rules can, 
and are, circumnavigated. In addition, no permit is required to purchase a rifle. The only 
prerequisite is that the purchaser must be 18. Basically, it can be summarized that acquiring 
a gun, an instrument used to kill, is easier than obtaining a driver's license. At least a 
proficiency test must be passed to acquire a driver's license. 
Gun control is an important, relevant issue for us today. The rising number of guns, the 
advanced killing technology that are available to anyone with cash, and the increasing amount 
of crimes committed with firearms make it imperative that some form of regulation be 
installed. The United States needs gun control before the body count rises one notch too high. 
Statistics taken from: 
Larson, Erik. "The Story of a Gun." The Atlantic. Jan. 1993: 48+. 
Information about Nebraska handgun control laws obtained from Sergeant Dale G 
rease, Highway Patrol. 
6 
Also 
Thursday, February 25, 1993= 
A lovely Valentine's Day 
Poem for you to enjoy: 
by the Barnyard Barn 
There once was this guy named Joe 
Who's parents had bundles of dough. 
They sent him to college 
To gain lots of knowledge 
So he happily entered the flow. 
At first Joe he started to drool, 
When he found out the truth of this school. 
That most girls are single 
Them boys, they don't mingle 
Though there is a large female pool. 
A few had found love (of course) there 
Like Kim and that boy with no hair 
And Mike, who's looking to mate 
with a young girl that he'll educate. 
But who could Joe find? Should he dare? 
Of course, Joe knew well to stay clear 
Of the couples who'd dated all year 
Like Kari (won't leave her stud's side) 
And Jennie who's quite satisfied 
To spend time with her little dear. 
Joe thought he'd try also for Kim 
But Shan might just tear off Joe's limbs 
For Lisa the boy got in line 
Behind the boy named Chris Canine 
Joe's chances were getting quite slim. 
And Joe also noticed the bunch 
Who were snacking, but wishing for lunch 
Like Ron, who is such a cute boy 
And Leah, who's EVERYONE'S toy. 
Now he was in quite a crunch. 
Poor Joe! He just wanted a date 
But I guess it just wasn't his fate 
In line with those pastors-to-be 
Who need wives so desperately 
At the Sweetheart's fine Banquet he ate. 
Joe finally said, MAw to heck with it!" 
I'll just go and hang at the deli a bit. 
Tammy was there with her little fling 
Those food critics need lots of counselling. 
Thought Joe, "I wish they'd just quit." 
So poor Joe's first week in this land 
Didn't really turn out all that grand. 
On a Saturday night 
There was no one in sight 
They were all downtown at Grandstand's. 
Poor Joe, he just had to sigh. 
He wanted his own slice of pie. 
So on this Val's Day, 
Help cheer up his way 
Be nice to him and other guys. 
Bill Clinton's Cabinet 
/ 
Secretary of the Treasury 
Charles Keating 
Secretary of Defense 
Rodney King 
Secretary of Education 
Dan Quayle 
Secretary of Health 
Magic Johnson 
Secretary of Labor 
Anita Hill 
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development 
Leona Helmsley 
Attorney General 
David Duke 
Drug Czar 
Marion Berry 
Space Agency Administrator 
Jerry Brown 
Chief of Protocol 
Rosanne Arnold 
CIA Director 
Ross Perot 
FBI Director 
Hillary Clinton 
Head of Veteran's Affairs 
Jane Fonda 
Speaker of the House 
Paul Tsongas 
Family Values Director 
Woody Allen 
Court Jester 
Rev. Jesse Jackson 
Director of Roads and Bridges 
Ted Kennedy 
Personals 
Miss UNL Computer, 
Why don't we get 
together sometime and 
compute the 
possibilities of 
us making a serious 
connection sometime 
in the near future.... 8-) 
Of floppys and hard 
disks, 
Union's HP-9000 
Dear Computer Servi 
Todd, 
In response to your 
question about being 
perky and its meaning, 
I can respond, but only 
on the first of each 
month. Please don't 
isolate. Then you too 
can know the meaning. 
Ylerecnis, 
Full of perk... 
Flower, 
Statistics have shown 
that the number 
combination 123 
coupled with 
the combination 456 
makes a VERY 
satisfactory 
relationship. What 
do you think? 
Sincerely, 
In a coma 
I regret to inform you that since you are neglecting my innermost 
personal needs of communication to the outside world, I have heard 
from the Commandor Data that he will put me out of my misery by 
dismantling me if you don't do something quick. 
Sincerly, 
HP-UX@Union.College.UCAC.cs.edu 
Opinion 
Results 
Do you... 
Date Casually 
75% 
Contemplate Marriage...25% 
Would you steal a cool million if you 
knew you would not be caught 
Yes 
58% 
No 
42% 
Do you prefer 
Team Sports.... 
25% 
Individual Sports 
67% 
Should Culver be shut down? 
No 
83% 
Yes 
17% 
Note: 25% of all voters thought that 
shutting down Culver would be 
a good thing if Rees turned Coed 
Financial Resolves included... 
Using Culver to house older and/or qui 
eter studentsto cut back on damage 
costs. 
Living in Culver should require a certair 
GPA minimum 
Stop the reckless little boys from causing 
too much damage 
Everyone get a new student to come to 
Union 
Do you live in Culver 
No 
83% 
Yes 
17% 
7 
Thursday,February 25, 1993 
Sports At Union 
by Mark 
Loewen 
and 
tVes 
Phipatanakul 
JY WINNING STREAK 
HALTED AT 5 
Calvert Rec Center - Since our last report 
the JV men's basketball team has won five 
games in a row but lost their last two. The 
bench has been a non-factor in the starting 
role. The winning streak can be attributed to 
occasional flashes of teamwork, but we can't 
ignore Chip Hart's SCORING and Durward 
Hass' quickness. 
Game 7: The JV team broke the century 
mark and beat the UNL AG school team 100-
94 in Curtis, NE. Chip Hart led with 25 
points 10 rebounds, Brian Johnson contrib-
uted 22, and Wesley 15 points, 14 of which 
came in the 2nd half. This was a team effort 
as EVERYBODY contributed for a change. 
Game 8: The next night the JV team, 
suffering from van lag, struggled but man-
aged to defeat It's a Brick 57-56 when Chip 
Hart hit two free throws with 3 seconds left to 
win the game. Chip led again with 30 points. 
Game 9: JV defeated the UC alumni team 
98-91 consisting of Four ex-starting varsity 
players (Shannon Nelson, Mike Miller, Jason 
Fischer, Paul Warren) with Chip Hart setting 
a SCHOOL RECORD of 43 points and 11 
rebounds. Dave Wade and Durward Hass 
controlled the point position and contributed 
17 and 16 points respectively. Special guest 
Sara Boyko helped out with the coaching on 
the bench. 
Game 10: The winning streak hit five, 
eclipsing the century mark once again in 
defeating Faith 104-84. Once again, team-
work prevailed until the next night when.... 
Game 11: The JV were humiliated by 
Hooters 51-35 as they trailed by 20 at half-
time. Enough said. 
Game 12: The JV lost again in overtime to 
people from parts unknown. 
TO 
GO!!! 
EXPRESS LUNCHES 
0 
Served 11 AM to 1:00 PM Mon.-Fri. 
FANTASTIC & FAST! INSTANTLY AVAILABLE! 
INDIVIDUAL PIZZAS 
PASTAS 
SANDWICHES 
(Hamburger, Pepperoni 
(Spaghetti & Giant 
(Pizza Packets) 
Vegetarian, Pizza of 
Breadstick) 
the day) 
And More ALL ONLY 
$1.99 
Each Express Lunch includes your choico of e 16 oz. fountain soft drink, 
iced tee, or lemonodo (canned pop extra). 
48th & Old Cheney Rd. 
421-2900 
THE DOUG AND TERRY SHOW ROLLS ON 
UC Thunderdome - Intramurals are mid-
way through the season and since we don't 
have complete scores for each team, we will 
give a team-by-team synopsis and mid season 
rankings from the infamous Union College 
Sportswriters Guild Poll (teams are listed in 
ranked order). 
1. Hornets: Here is a prime example of the 
Doug and Casey combination we talked ear-
lier of in the year, and highest honors go to 
multi-talented multi-sport Brent Lane who 
would be a welcome addition to the JV team 
(too bad his girlfriend is coming next year). 
Doug Hardt unselfishly sits the bench for 
long stretches sometimes so all 9 players can 
play and only comes in when he's needed. 
Who can forget Sam Fazio who plays his best 
against rival Andy Norman. 
2. Tigers: The Tigers are led by of course 
8 
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
= 
Terry Forde and the emergence of rising star 
Kareem McRoy who has exhibited excep-
tional ball control, penetration, and stamina. 
Corey Bretsch and Travis Sager also con-
tribute, and who can forget the reckless Rus-
sian Sergey Riapolov. Also, who can over-
look the superb play contributed by Paul 
Welch who is making a case for some playing 
time. 
3. Jayhawks: Led by the combination of 
ex-JV players Mike Needles and Pedro Perez 
in addition to solid play by varsity starter 
Dallas Purkeypile, the Jayhawks boast the 
best frontcourt in intramurals. 
Tie 4. Bulls: Led by Chip Hart, Jeremee 
Bennett, Chris Wise, Donald Huff, and 
Mark Loewen (my bad). Ken Zummach, 
Lee Bowes, and David Dye provide a 
frontcourt that rivals the Jayhawks or the 
National Hockey League. This club lacks 
teamwork, though, and has been hurt by un-
timely technical fouls and ejections. 
Tie 4. 
Fighting Irish: Led by Jim 
Waseniiller, this team can also boast such 
stars as Brian Johnson and Dave Wade. This 
team has been performing below par the entire 
season. 
6. Ramblin Wreck: Denison's team has 
only beaten the faculty, and not by much. It 
doesn' t look 1 ikely that they wi 11 win any more 
games. 
It's pretty bad when the shortest 
player, Wesley, is their leading scorer averag-
ing over 16 pts a game. Solid play has been 
contributed by frequently absent Durward 
Hass and physical inside play by Andy 
Norman. 
7. 
Faculty: Ron Dodds has found the 
shooting groove of his youth. The faculty may 
BECOME AN 
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OF THE ROAD. 
A Motorcycle RiderCourse is for 
everyone who wants to have more 
fun riding, while becoming a 
better, safer rider. Call 1-800-
447-4700 to join the class. 
MOTORCYCLE SAFETY FOUNDATION * 
be old and slow, but they sub in frequently and 
can boast such physical stars as Brad "I'm 
gonna hammer you" Forbes, his brother 
Barry, and hockey player Rich Carlson. Ric 
Spaulding has brought solid play and leader-
ship to the team and Gary Dickerson can 
shoot the rock. Arlie Fandrich has been 
effective from the three point line as well. 
PORTRAIT OF AN "A" STUDENT. 
Young or old. New or experienced. Man or woman. A Motorcycle Rider-
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Call 1-800-447-4700 today and join the class, MOTORCYCLE SAFETY FOUNDATION1 
Player 
FG 
FGA 
FG% 
FT 
FTA RB 
FLS AST TO 
BLS STL TP 
PPG 
C.Hart 
73 
195 
37.4 
29 
38 
68 
18 
20 
40 
16 
19 
206 15.8 
D. Wade 50 
125 
40.0 
7 
8 
24 
18 
21 40 
2 
24 
116 
9.7 
BJ 
43 
77 
55.8 
20 
41 
70 
20 
20 
51 
6 
17 
104 
8.7 
R. Pride 
38 
82 
46.3 
6 
17 
72 
.24 
12 25 
19 
7 
80 6.7 
WesP. 
15 
44 
34.1 
11 
19 
14 
9 
4 
19 
2 
15 
44 
3.4 
P.Welch 
7 
18 
38.9 
2 
7 
22 
6 
6 
19 
0 
7 
16 
1.5 
Todd A. 
6 
16 
37.5 
8 
13 
24 
10 
1 13 
2 
5 
20 
2.2 
D. Hass 
31 
63 
49.2 
10 
12 
25 
1 
11 14 
3 
26 
83 
11.9 
C.Wise 
45 
100 
45.0 
II 
14 
34 
13 
10 27 
11 
11 
104 
10.4